if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
