That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Damn victory sex feels great
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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