Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
