The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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