When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
