You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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