So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
