I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
