umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
