Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
