Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
