I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
