i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You dont lie about slip and slides
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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