booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
