I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I lost the right to judge tonight
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
