Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
