Having a random hookup so left but love u
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
