I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
