I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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