Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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