i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
pray to the hookup gods
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
