Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
