And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
