I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
