My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
