I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
