I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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