Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize