Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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