Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
