How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
