Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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