where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
