No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
