Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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