I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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