I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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