There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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