I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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