Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
birth control should be required to get into college
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
