pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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