Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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