if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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