there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
