ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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