"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
