Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dignity is for republicans.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
