Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
