i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
