I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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