Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
