put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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