forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
