Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
