party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
