She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
