Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
