So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Come see our sink grown plant.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
