Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
