I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
