Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
