I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize