Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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