i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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