I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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