Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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