I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
