I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
